ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________ _________ _________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________ _________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
___________ _________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________ _________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________ _________ _________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________ _________ _________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________ _________ ________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
___________ _________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
पढ़े-लिखे
तुम कुछ लिखो, और हम वह पढें
गोया कुछ यूँ ही सही, हम पढ़े-लिखे तो कहलायें
- संजय माथुर जी द्वारा
लिखने का कुछ ये हुआ,
की न चिंगारी उठी कहीं और न धुआं उठा
गीली लकडियों के बीच रह कर,
चुपचाप राख बन ने का मज़ा ही कुछ और है ....
-अंशु जोहरी
गोया कुछ यूँ ही सही, हम पढ़े-लिखे तो कहलायें
- संजय माथुर जी द्वारा
लिखने का कुछ ये हुआ,
की न चिंगारी उठी कहीं और न धुआं उठा
गीली लकडियों के बीच रह कर,
चुपचाप राख बन ने का मज़ा ही कुछ और है ....
-अंशु जोहरी
Sunday, September 27, 2009
You are a programmer if....
Every combination of three letters is a meaningful acronym for you.
Instead of saying "Let's discuss this later" you say "Let's take this offline"
Instead of saying "Let me know when you're available" you say "Ping me when you are available"
Instead of asking "Any general comments?" you ask "Any high level comments?"
You can remember seventeen computer passwords but not your anniversary.
You start laughing hysterically when the topic of computer reliability is brought up.
You are more comfortable writing code than writing prose.
When you hear the term "Evil Empire," you don't think of geopolitics, but of Microsoft.
You own more than 50 T-shirts, but can't remember the last time you actually paid for one.
You're the highest-paid but worst-dressed person in the office.
You get involved in heated conversations on forums concerning things that normal people have ever even heard of.
You've spent more time in front of a computer screen than a television screen.
Your PC's monitor is bigger than your television screen.
You are primarily offended by the use of goto when someone tells you to go to Hell.
The statement (0x2b||!0x2b) makes sense to you.
You note with disgust that it always evaluates to true.
You think the real bugs have nothing to do with insects or spiders.
You know that 10-9.9 is not necessarily equal to 0.1.
You are aware of many different kinds of beans that have nothing to do with plants (JavaBeans, Enterprise JavaBeans, Spring beans, MBeans, NetBeans, etc.).
You know that Perl is not Pearl misspelled.
Instead of saying "Let's discuss this later" you say "Let's take this offline"
Instead of saying "Let me know when you're available" you say "Ping me when you are available"
Instead of asking "Any general comments?" you ask "Any high level comments?"
You can remember seventeen computer passwords but not your anniversary.
You start laughing hysterically when the topic of computer reliability is brought up.
You are more comfortable writing code than writing prose.
When you hear the term "Evil Empire," you don't think of geopolitics, but of Microsoft.
You own more than 50 T-shirts, but can't remember the last time you actually paid for one.
You're the highest-paid but worst-dressed person in the office.
You get involved in heated conversations on forums concerning things that normal people have ever even heard of.
You've spent more time in front of a computer screen than a television screen.
Your PC's monitor is bigger than your television screen.
You are primarily offended by the use of goto when someone tells you to go to Hell.
The statement (0x2b||!0x2b) makes sense to you.
You note with disgust that it always evaluates to true.
You think the real bugs have nothing to do with insects or spiders.
You know that 10-9.9 is not necessarily equal to 0.1.
You are aware of many different kinds of beans that have nothing to do with plants (JavaBeans, Enterprise JavaBeans, Spring beans, MBeans, NetBeans, etc.).
You know that Perl is not Pearl misspelled.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Son of Gandhiji
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher to a Mallu Student - Who is the son of Gandhiji ?
Mallu Student - DINESHAN.
Teacher - Who told you this rubbish?
Mallu Student - From KG sir, we are studying that Gandhiji is the father of "DI neshan"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher to a Mallu Student - Who is the son of Gandhiji ?
Mallu Student - DINESHAN.
Teacher - Who told you this rubbish?
Mallu Student - From KG sir, we are studying that Gandhiji is the father of "DI neshan"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, June 8, 2009
Whne you need a salary raise....
HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS
FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$.We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company...
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I meant and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
The next day, the employee received this reply:
Dear
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw days, Nothing much has changed. You must have Noticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well. NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
---- Your Boss.
FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$.We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company...
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I meant and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
The next day, the employee received this reply:
Dear
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw days, Nothing much has changed. You must have Noticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well. NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
---- Your Boss.
U can find this .. but U can't find that.....!!!!
MINDBLOWING: VIJAYAKANTH'S Dialogues in English
1) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u
sneeze u ll say HUTCH
3 ) U can bcome an engineer if u study in
engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if
u studies in Presidency College
4 ) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u
cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop
5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a
software engineer cannot bcom a software
6 ) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world
in world cup
7) U can study and get any certificates. But u cannot get ur death certificate
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
