Weight Management !

A fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde -- pop -- she disappears through a door. In comes the manager who leads him to the showers, and then
weighs him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time...So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine."

cheers,
Archana

parenthood !

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a sin gle thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there to mor row. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!!'


MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

संता-बंता पार्ट २

1) What is Common between : Krishna , Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.


2) A Kid asks the Priest : Father what is your Favourite Pastime...?
The Priest pats the kids head & replys : NUN My Child NUN....!!

3 Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College ,
Banta : Really, what is he studing,
Santa : No is not studying, they r Studying him.


Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where
families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators

Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..]

8) Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain

Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.
Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai..

Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal ?
Banta singh : Yes, I have
Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta singh : Thats nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea ?
Santa singh : Yes, I have.
Banta singh : Well, my father killed it.

SANTA talking on cell.

BANTA: kis se baat kar raho ho.

SANTA: biwi se.....

BANTA: itne... pyar se....?

SANTA: tumhari hai. . .


12) SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour


13) SANTA: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml

now it's 1.5 ltr.



14) Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi

gya.

Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....


15) Santa went to mysore palace.

Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair

Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!.



18) Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai

jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

संता-बंता टाइम !

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,

1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.

2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?

1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha

------------------------------

Sardar 2 doctr: Mujhe 1 problem hai

DR: Kya?

Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta

Dr: aisa kab hota hai?

Sardar: Phone karte waqt

------------------------------
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?

Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun

Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?

Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun

------------------------------
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,

"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."

After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"

------------------------------
Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,

kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?

Sardar bola, Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega

------------------------------

Hitler says,

"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"

Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"

------------------------------

1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?

2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda soo hi jaye

-----------------------------

1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .


1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!


Sardar: Mere uper se jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?

------------------------------

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.

Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?

sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

------------------------------

In bio practical:


Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?

Sardar: I don't know.

Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?

Sardar: see my leg and know the same

Ram ka letter sita ke liye punjabi me......

Pyari Sitta,

Main itthe raji khushi se han and hope ke tu v theek thaak hovengi,

Laxman tannu bahut yaad karda si.

Main is Bandar de hath tannu chitthi bhej reha haan,

Tu bilkul tension na layi main bahut jaldi tenu ravan kolochura

lavanga.

Main AIRTEL da postpaid le liya si, RAVAN nu main mobile te bhot

GAALIYAAN kadiya te SAALE ne katt ditta,

Chal koi ni maine aana ta hai hi. Taan KUTUNGA saale KANJAR nu.

Main tere naal bhi ek AIRTEL ka prepaid bhej riya si usme 1500 SMS free

wali scheme ha, Tu roz mere ko SMS kari.

Chinta na kari, jab bhi gal karne ko ji kare, ek miss call mar diyo.

Main yaha se tenu baat kar levenga.

Tu Mere bill di chinta na kariyo, Sugreev nu payment da jimma de ditta

PJokes!

1. Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho.. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .. She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."
Husband:"That' s it. We are happy ever after. "

2. Santa and bantaa are discussing---------
santaa----- "if i drink coffee, i can't sleep!!!!"
bantaa----- "with me it's the opposite, if i sleep i can't drink coffee।"

3. if a CAT crosses your way , when you are going somewhere, then what does it mean???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

?

it means that the Cat is also going somewhere!

१ राहुल गाँधी : माँ आपकी वजह से मेरी शादी नहीं हो पा रही है ..
सोनिया गाँधी- क्यों बेटा ?
राहुल : सब कह रहे हैं , सोनिया गाँधी को "बहु मत " दो !

२ ब्रूस ली बहुत शक्तिशाली था पर उसकी बहिन के घर बच्चा हुआ और वो बदल गया, कैसे ?
फिर वो बन गया -
मामू 'ली' !